Toeing the Line: How to Ensure You Follow Parents’ Rules

Sometimes it’s easy to forget that these wonderful kids are NOT our own. That they have parents whose rules we have to follow. (Of course, when the kids start being difficult, it’s never difficult to remember that we can return them to their parents.😅)

Yeah, we have to toe the line, and we have to make sure we follow the kids’ parents’ rules.

But, why? (Do you hear your nieces and nephews saying this in a high-pitched voice?)

Why should aunts follow parents’ rules?

TL;DR: We are NOT the parents. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Aunts should respect parents’ rules because parents are the primary caregivers and decision-makers for their children. They have the responsibility to provide for their children’s safety, health, and well-being, and their rules and guidelines are based on their knowledge and understanding of what is best for their children.

As an aunt, respecting parents’ rules demonstrates an understanding and acknowledgment of the parents’ role as primary caregivers. It also shows that the aunt values and respects the parents’ decision-making abilities and trusts their judgment.

Furthermore, by following parents’ rules, aunts can help maintain consistency and structure for the children, which can promote stability and security for them. When children receive consistent messages and expectations from both parents and other caregivers, it can help them feel more secure and confident in their surroundings.

Makes sense (and sounds adult-y), doesn’t it?

Now, it’s one thing to say we have to and we will follow our nieces’ and nephews’ parents’ rules.

It’s a whole different story to actually do it. But that’s what I’m here for, to share my hard-earned wisdom (I’d like to think I have it) with you.

How to follow parents’ rules (the guide for professional aunts)

Let’s look at ways to be the cool auntie and respect the kids’ parents.

Again, TL;DR.

1. Communicate with parents: Ask parents for clear instructions and guidelines about how to care for their children, and ask questions to clarify any uncertainties.
2. Respect parents’ decisions: Follow parents’ rules even if you disagree with them, as you may not have access to the same information as parents do.
3. Keep children safe: Prioritize the children’s safety and well-being, and take necessary precautions to avoid putting children in harm’s way.
4. Report concerns: Inform parents if they notice any issues or concerns with the children’s behavior, health, or well-being.
5. Check in regularly: Check in with parents regularly to provide updates on how the kids are doing and to address any concerns or questions that may arise.

How does this look like in real life? Let’s dive in.

1. Communicate with parents

Communication is key to establishing a positive and respectful relationship between aunts and parents, and it can help ensure that the aunt is able to provide care that is consistent with the parents’ wishes.

Ask the parents about discipline so you know their discipline style and what methods they prefer for handling misbehavior. You may believe in not sparing children the rod, but what if the parents thinks that’s abhorrent?

Clarify: what’s negotiable and non-negotiable. While you want to be the fun auntie, you don’t want the kids thinking they can come to you because you allow them to do things their parents would absolutely say no to. On the flipside, there are things that parents may be okay with, so just talk to them and find out. (Maybe they’re not allowed to eat sweets at night, but maybe their parents will let you sneak in an ice cream-filled movie night.)

I also find it useful to know what kind of behaviors and activities are expected of the kids. Say they are supposed to do Duolingo every day (yeah, it’s a thing in our family). Make sure they do it when they’re staying with you.

2. Respect parents’ decisions

Imagine this…

You want to take your nephew to a Formula 1 race. He wants to go, of course. His parents say no because it is a huge, crowded event. You don’t see why not. The kid doesn’t see why not. Still, the parents say no.

What happens?

You don’t take the kid to experience one of the most exciting thing ever. 🏎️ #ForzaFerrari

Seriously, though, parents are the boss when it comes to taking care of their kids. They know what’s best for their children based on their own experiences and knowledge, and that’s why it’s important to respect their decisions

Another example would be if parents have made a decision to limit their children’s screen time because they believe it is important for their overall well-being. Even if you disagree with this decision, you should respect it and limit screen time.

Or, if the parents follow a specific diet or meal plan for their children. Even if you have a different approach to food (I love me a good dose of msg-laden chips while watching a movie), you have to respect the parents’ decision and stick to their dietary guidelines.

Show respect for the parents’ role as primary caregivers and avoid making decisions that contradict or undermine the parents’ authority.

3. Keep children safe

No-brainer, this one, eh?

Still, it cannot be emphasized enough. We may have loads of fun activities lined up, but we still need to follow the kids’ parents’ rules AND keep them safe while we’re out and about.

For example, if you are taking the children to the park, be aware of your surroundings and keep a close eye on the children to prevent them from wandering off or getting injured. Make sure that the playground equipment is safe and in good condition.

Be aware of any potential hazards in the environment and take necessary precautions to avoid them. For instance, if there are pets in the house, make sure that they are not aggressive toward the children, and that the children are not allergic to them.

This is a sensitive topic for me since my then 3- or 4-year-old nephew had an accident while he was with me at my grandmother’s wake. He was playing with his cousins and fell, cutting his lip badly.

Everything turned out okay, but he has a noticeable scar on his lip. Writing this post reminds me that I should talk to him and his parents about this soon (he’s now 12). We’ve had brief discussions, but I feel that we haven’t really discussed it.

I still have nightmares about it to this day.

4. Report concerns

If you notice any issues or concerns with the children’s behavior, health, or well-being, let the parents know ASAP.

For example, if the kid is feeling unwell, call the parents and seek their advice on what steps to take.

If the child is exhibiting unusual or concerning behavior, such as aggression or withdrawal, call the parents.

If the kid tells stories about bullying in school, talk to the parents about it. (Also, check out these affirmations against bullying.)

If the kid starts crying in the middle of the night saying his pee-pee hurts so bad, call the parents. (True story…apparently, it was an insect bite and some cream and anti-histamine took care of it.)

5. Check in regularly

If the kids are staying with you for a number of days, make sure you call or text their parents regularly to let them know how things are going. Depending on the parents, they may actually be the ones calling you every day (or 10 times a day). If they’re in heaven because they finally have time for themselves without the kids, then you might not hear from them till it’s pick-up time. Still, it’s a good idea to check in just so they’re in the loop.

Professional aunts toe the line

Being a supportive and responsible aunt requires a commitment to following parents’ rules and guidelines for their children.

This involves respecting parents’ decisions, prioritizing children’s safety and well-being, taking necessary precautions, and reporting concerns to parents when necessary.

By doing so, we can build stronger relationships with parents, provide a safe and nurturing environment for ouw nieces and nephews, and contribute positively to their growth and development.

In short, be awesome.