Out of the Mouths of Pre-Teens

We were just hanging out, nothing special, when my then 12-year-old nephew, E, looked at me sideways and asked how old I was.

“Forty-six,” I said, expecting nothing in particular.

The reaction was immediate. Incredulous. Like I’d told him the earth was flat.

“No way. You don’t look 46!” {Me, feeling good about myself, thanking my genes.}

“You only look 43!“

{Me, bursting out in laughter.}

But hey, I’ll take it. Three years is three years!

This is the thing about kids—they will hand you a compliment and an insult in the same breath, so sincerely you can’t even be mad. They’re not being cruel. They’re just being honest, based on their experience so far.

E just had no idea what 46 is supposed to look like, so he was guessing, out loud, in real time, with total confidence. It’s the same energy as a kid telling you your homemade pancakes are “actually pretty good”—high praise, delivered like a surprising scientific finding.

A few things I’ve learned about surviving these moments as an aunt:

1. Don’t correct the math. It wasn’t about being precise; he was being kind in the only unit he had available. Let 43 stand.
2. Say thank you like you mean it. Because somewhere in there, you did just get a compliment. A weird one. But a real one.
3. Save the good ones. Kids say things once and never remember saying them. (Though he still remembers this at 15.) You will remember this exchange for the rest of your life.
4. Don’t ask a kid what they actually think unless you’re ready. They will tell you. With sourcing.

What’s the best backhanded compliment a kid has ever given you?